VAN'S NEW HARLEY DAVIDSON

At last!! He had done it!! After years and years of slaving and saving, Van had bought his new Harley. And what a machine it was! All chromed springer front, solid rear with 100 spoke wheels and a really great flamed paint job.
To the great surprise of all, on Sunday Van rode his new Harley down the aisle and into the front of his local NGK Kerk and parked it right smack bang in front of the alter. Now Van is a very unpredictable and temperamental fellow, so the Dominee and the deacons considered bet to just keep quiet. It was probably a case of typical Van Der Merwe show casing after all. Vans fellow parishioners likewise decided that none of them would be the one to query the bike in Church debacle.
After the morning service,  with much aplomb, (and relief on Dominee Van Rensburg's part) Van climbed aboard his beautiful steed and rode it out of the Church.
At 6pm that evening the faithful returned to worship and fellowship...........and Van parked his new Harley right in the front of the Church again! What was even more unusual was Van attending the morning and evening services! His usual attendance was a tardy onc a month. This new turn of events rather pleased the Dominee, but the Harley in Church scenario was becoming a concern. What would happen if the other congregant bikers followed suit? Clearly, he would have to have a friendly chat with Van, and determined to do so right after the service. He instructed the senior deacon, Piet Pogenpol to ask van to meet with him later that evening.
Van arrived at Dominee Van Rensburgs house at 8pm and enjoyed a cup of coffee and a rusk whilst waiting. The Dominee joined him shortly and congratulated the man on acquiring the beautiful Harley Davidson. Van was very pleased indeed at the praise of his pride and joy.
"Tell me"" the Dominee said, "Why do you bring your bike inside the Church building, you know that our car guards will look after it for you" Van was surprised at the question. "Didn't jou ever bought a new bakkie or car Dominee" he asked? "Ja, of course I have" replied the Dominee, "but i never parked them inside the Church" "So you was lucky that your bakkie never frekked or had a problem "said Van, "because the Sales Manager at Harley Davidson personalty told me that if my new bike misses even one service then it didn't got a guarantee!"

DON'T PICK YOUR NOSE!

Van Der Merwe's oldest son Kobus had been rushed to hospital suffering from a condition that baffled - and STARTLED! - even the most experienced Doctors. Dr Perreira (ex Cuba) had been called in to examine Kobus as it was widely held that due to difficult economic times and sub standard hygiene, Cuba probably had more than it's fair share of unusual ailments manifesting.
But Dr. Perreira was baffled, he too had never seen anything like this. With a mixture of hand signals and 'pidgin' English he managed to convey to his South African colleagues 'NO COMPRHENDO IL PROBLEMO'  The senior local Doctor - Dr aykonaas - who had graduated from medical school in Harare, Zimbabwe - was rather concerned. What was it that had afflicted this 32 year old Boer? Who has ever seen symptoms like this? Could this even be treated? HE commented:EISH!" "oh oh oh oh" (Roughly translated means: " Oh my goodness" )

Not only did young Van Der Merwe have almost total memory loss - which his family had told doctors had been an on going process for at least 20 years - but his IQ had literally dropped to that of a four year old child! But - MOST STARTLING OF ALL - seventy five percent of his head had caved in and his skull shape was almost like a plate!! Almost everyone was baffled. Even intense research on the internet produced little in the way of information.
But Kobus's Ma had the answer, she knew what had happened . In her own words: "Ja, I told Kobus nearly every day that if he picked so much stuff out of his nose then his kop would collapse!".